What is a "No Contact Agreement"?

by Katie Coston

To download  "Infidelity Crisis: How to Gain Forgiveness 
and Respect After Your Affair"
by Katie Coston
 in an instant pdf format click here.

If you are an unfaithful partner who wants to repair his or her marriage – the biggest step to begin this process is to break-up with your lover and cease all contact.  A "no contact agreement" is then made between you and your betrayed spouse – an agreement which states that you will not contact your affair partner in the future for any reason – and if contact does occur, that you will tell your spouse about it (and the circumstances surrounding it) immediately.

What does a "no contact agreement" usually consist of?

No contact agreements vary due to each couple's unique circumstance.  For example, if the offender works with his or her affair partner – the agreement may state that the offender is to talk to the affair partner about business only and nothing more - in the presence of other people - no exceptions, and there may even be a timetable set for the offender to secure alternate employment which does not require contact at all in the future.  These agreements can get a little more complicated if the infidelity involved the conception of a child – but then such agreements usually state that the only contact occurring between the offender and his or her affair partner is made in the presence of other people – preferably the betrayed spouse.

The most common commencement of a "no contact agreement" occurs when the betrayer officially breaks up with his or her affair partner. This usually takes the form of a letter, written by the offender, in which the offender:

  1. Takes responsibility for the affair and declares his or her behavior to be  "wrong."

  2. Tells the affair partner that they have decided to cease all contact and end the relationship.

  3. Asks the affair partner to respect his or her choice to end the relationship by not attempting to contact him or her.

This letter is not a "I'm sorry I hurt you" or "I will miss you" letter.  It is to be brief, firm, impersonal, and unapologetic.  The letter is to be read by the betrayed spouse and mailed in front of the betrayed spouse – so that the betrayed spouse is assured of the end of the extramarital relationship.

A "no contact agreement" may also include friendships.  For example, if the offending marriage partner was aided in their continuation of an affair by friends - or if the affair partner maintains friendships with people who think nothing of infidelity - a stipulation of the "no contact agreement" may also include limitations to or the end of such friendships.

When making a personalized "no contact agreement" – the betrayed spouse should have final say on its terms – because this agreement is made for their comfort and peace of mind.  The offending marriage partner should be ready and willing to give-in to any terms that aren’t of life or death importance – because it is a major step in repairing the rift in the marriage.

 

To download  "Infidelity Crisis: How to Gain Forgiveness 
and Respect After Your Affair"
by Katie Coston
 in an instant pdf format click here.