Infidelity Crisis: How to gain forgiveness and respect after your affair
If you have spent any time browsing infidelity support forums on the web, chances are that you have already heard about the success that many real-life couples have attributed to "Infidelity Crisis: How to gain forgiveness and respect after your affair". Or maybe your marriage counselor directed you to this site because they have seen dramatic results, too. But no matter how you found our site, we are glad you did. Every marriage deserves a fighting chance for renewed hope and reconciliation. That's why we are here!
Our reader-acclaimed pdf ebook is a unique and human examination of the emotional issues that invariably follow affair discovery and a practical road-map that the offending partner can utilize to contribute to the recovery of his or her marriage. It's a full-length book written by a former betrayed spouse to help the offending marriage partner in their efforts to save and heal their marriage. It is currently the only infidelity book that concentrates exclusively on the role of the unfaithful partner during the critical early stages of affair discovery.
"Infidelity Crisis: How to gain forgiveness and respect after your affair" effectively tackles the tough emotional issues that surface after an affair is discovered, including: grief, anger, bitterness, distrust, retaliation, embarrassment, emotional exhaustion and unforgiveness. And unlike many traditional self-help books, it does not dabble in pop psycho-babble. Instead, it outlines a concrete and practical plan that anyone who sincerely desires to rebuild his or her marriage after an affair can understand and employ with success.
Because it immediately addresses the volatile emotional extremes associated with affair discovery, unlike many traditional approaches that can work to prolong the pain and anger for both marriage partners - further contributing to the instability of the marriage. These theoretical approaches further contribute to the instability of the marriage by focusing on the marriage as a whole without first dealing with the injured spouse's emotional response to affair discovery, even though research and real-life experience says that this actually is not the best approach!
Despite clear statistics supporting that a couple is more likely to remain married if an extramarital affair is thoroughly explored through counseling:
*Overview of Report of Survey on Extramarital Affairs by Peggy Vaughan
That's why "Infidelity Crisis: How to gain forgiveness and respect after your affair" was written - to help the offending marriage partner effectively confront the emotional responses that follow affair discovery, so that his or her marriage can begin to heal.
"Infidelity Crisis: How to Gain Forgiveness and Respect After Your Affair" was offered on a payment-optional basis until 2003. There is now a required download fee for the ebook. Currently, the fee is $12.97. Once your fee is processed, you are provided with instant access to the ebook via redirect. The download fee is fully refundable for up to 30 days if you are not satisfied with the ebook after download. If you cannot afford the download fee or are not able to download for any other reason, click here. We gift a number of downloads every month and respond to all emails promptly.
Q. Why would you write a book for the wayward spouse if you were the betrayed spouse?
A. To give the partner who had an affair the tools to assist in their spouse's healing at a time when emotions are usually surging out of control. Many times, the person who had an affair really wants to help, to repair, to fix what they've done - they just don't know how to do it. It is the book that was much needed but didn't exist when I discovered an affair in my own marriage...so I wrote it to help other couples dealing with infidelity.
Q. Why do you recommend that the betrayed spouse not read the book?
A. They certainly can read the book, there's nothing in the book that would cause them alarm. I've even had a few betrayed spouses write to me to tell me how much better they understand their own emotions from having read it. But the book will work best if the betrayed spouse doesn't read it. It's an opportunity for the offender to hear about the pain and trauma of affair discovery from someone else - an outside party. Then they have the ability to reflect on the information without feeling as if they're being put through a test - will he or she take the advice or won't they? If the book turns into a "walk the line" trial, then it won't help anyone. But if it is used as a practical resource by one party, the results can be profound.
Q. How do you know the results can be profound?
A. Because of the enormous amounts of email that I've received from readers. Most people write to tell me that within a week or two of working through the book, their home-life dramatically improved as did their outlook on the future of their marriage. Instead of feeling overwhelmed and hopeless, many are excited about the future, hopeful in their marriages, and even falling in love with their spouse all over again. It's not uncommon for a letter to start "When all hope was gone, I searched for help and found your book..." It breaks my heart to know that I almost didn't write the book at all - it was a project that brought back a lot of painful memories and I put off writing it for quite a while. But now I get so much joy out of reading how the book has helped other couples, especially couples with children - that it was well worth the pain of writing.
Q. So you get lots of emails from your readers?
A. It varies a great deal, but I usually receive at least one each day. Some days there's one, but the highest I counted in a single day was twelve - then I quit keeping track. The high response rate is probably because I encouraged reader response at the end of the book [1st edition]. As a result, I've had to make sure that all site emails come to me first, even if they are just for tech issues, because most of the emails are personal and I want to be sure that I'm the only one who reads material that was meant for my eyes only. There really is a bond of friendship incorporated throughout the book. I'll never forget the time, soon after I started distribution, that I got an email from someone who told me that he'd lost all of his friends because of his affair and that I was the only person left who cared enough (through the ebook) to help him try to undo the damage that he'd caused in all of his relationships - not just his marriage. He thanked me for my friendship. It was pretty humbling experience.
Q. How so?
A. Well, of course, I'd originally hoped that the ebook would help many couples - but it never crossed my mind that the book might be the sole source of support or encouragement for some people. Since then I've had several people write to say that they read the ebook more than three or four times over, and that the ebook was all they had to hang on to for a while. As a betrayed spouse who was devastated by affair discovery, it certainly opened my eyes to some intense pain on the other side of the fence. I thought I had a lot of compassion before, but it doesn't compare to how I feel now for the spouse who is truly remorseful.
Q. Some betrayed spouses feel leery of having their husband or wife read a book that they haven't read, for fear that the book will encourage manipulation tactics or point the finger at them for causing the affair. What would you say about that?
A. I would say that the book encourages honesty and integrity - not manipulation. The basis of the book is to treat the other person with kindness, concern, and empathy as a long-term solution and not a quick-fix. The book also encourages accountability and responsibility, so there's no finger pointing at the betrayed. My having compassion for the offender doesn't lessen the compassion I feel for the betrayed - I was the betrayed! The book was written to benefit both partners, but through the actions and understanding of one partner.
Q. Is the book meant to take the place of professional counseling?
A. Not at all. It's a starting ground from which to build, and I encourage couples to pursue professional counseling in the book.
Q. You are not a counselor, though?
A. No, I'm just an average person who experienced infidelity in my own marriage and made all of the common mistakes - even after having read most of the available material on the subject. You won't find the standard list of pop-theories on why an affair happens, etc. in the book. There's enough of those resources out there already, some of which the counselors themselves can't agree on. Instead, the ebook is a practical, hands-on, concrete, and realistic approach to the beginning stages of repair - accepting the reality that an affair actually did happen, regardless of why - and picking up the pieces in the aftermath. There are quite a few counselors who recommend the book to their clients, though. Maybe 1 out of 10 people have said that they either read their counselor's copy or that their therapist specifically sent them to the site.
Q. Would you say that there has been a pattern to the types of couples that the book has helped most?
A. Definitely - it most often helps the person who is sincere in their desire to rebuild their marriage! Betrayed spouses have also told me that it helps with what they call "the fog", too - when the offender is in denial over the trauma that the affair has caused to the marriage. Other than this, we've had people write from many different parts of the country and all walks of life - from doctors to housewives to the unemployed, old and young.
(Please note, due to overwhelming amounts of email, Katie is no longer accepting emails through the site. Please email only for technical assistance.)
According to CDC's National Center for Health Statistics, approximately:
80% of couples who divorce as the result of an affair later regret their decision to divorce.**
**Staheli, Lana, Affair-Proof Your Marriage: Understanding, Preventing and Surviving An Affair. New York, NY: HarperCollins, 1995 & Vaughan, Peggy,The Monogamy Myth. New York: Newmarket Press, 1989.
What real people, just like you, have said about "Infidelity Crisis: How to gain forgiveness and respect after your affair"
I haven't been this hopeful about my marriage in a really long time. I can't thank you enough.
Copyright 2014 Aftertheaffair.net. All rights reserved